THE TURD THAT IS MY LIFE.

OH HELLO THERE.

shitson life is being a turd.
apparently I "can't do anything right".
whatever. as Eminem says,

but i think i'm still trying to figure this crap out.
thought i had it mapped out but i guess i didn't.
this effing black cloud, still follows me around.
but it's time to exercise these demons,
these mofos are doing jumpingjacks now!



so yeah.
eminem is just,
he's just awesome.
i love how his music is so angry.
i need angry music nowadays.
because i don't show how angry i am.
hell no.


and yeah, i didn't type the f-bombs he dropped.
cause i already dropped a ton o' f-bombs today and if i'm not careful,
i'm gonna drop one when i'm with the folks.
and then life will suck even more balls.


OKAY.
so i've got no one to think about.
except myself and how angry i am.

no, i've got no one to think about when i'm bored in class.
when i'm bored in class now, i think about clothes.
which is crazily not satisfying.

i wonder if he's clubbing now?
garh. i think i'd become a clubber when i turn 18.


anyway.
yeah. i have no one to daydream about.
to doodle his name all over my textbooks.
jackson rathbone,

doesn't count.
because he's not exactly a real person, is he?
i mean, he exists and all.
but not in my world.


and then there's the one with the brown hair and brown eyes.
well he's so disgustingly QUIET, okay?
he's so...secretive and withdrawn and GARH.
so that one is off my mind.

AND THEN FINALLY,
THERE IS PLAIDSHIRTBOY.
who everyone knows about.
people say i look at him with that 'something' in my eyes.
and on my face. don't forget the face.

seriously?
I DO?

that really sucks.
maybe that's why he hasn't been saying hi when he looks at me.
because he sees that awestruck expression on my face.
MY FACE IS A TRAITOR.



man it is horrible not having anyone to think about.
it's like my mind is empty.
people say i need to occupy myself.
with what?
homework? projects? Christianity?

i can't, okay?
i would go insane.
I always have thought life was stupid.
what is the PURPOSE?
okay, so you're born.
you get schooled.
you probably get a job.
you work.
if you're lucky, you find love.
okay, that's good.
and then you work somemore.
you fight somemore.
and then you die.

SHIT. I DON'T SEE THE PURPOSE.

and {yes this is a very wordy rant-y post. i like it.}
and today we were talking.
about marriage.
i don't know how people do it.
get married, i mean.
doesn't it get boring after that?
like, you 'fall in love', i guess and then you guys sign some documents, make a bunch of vows, get some nice Armani wedding bands.

...and then what?
okay maybe you have some kids.
but you wake up to the same person EVERY. SINGLE. DAY after that.
and kids...
children are frightening man!
they're so NOISY and CRAZY and when they turn fourteen like me or something,
THEY GET ALL REBELLIOUS AND ANGST-RIDDEN.

WHICH BASICALLY MEANS,
CHILDREN=NO PEACE.

i mean, i'm sorry my folks even had me.
they're always stressed out.
there's no freaking happiness.
no PROLONGED happiness, i mean.

why in the woooorld would anyone want to subject themselves to that?
now you can't just live for yourself.
you can't just think for yourself.
you can't go out and be crazy because you have to be responsible for other people.
holymomma.

who would want that?